Right now I’m sitting at Starbucks under a dark sky. That’s just the introductory line. Where I am right now doesn’t matter, but so you know, I have a grande Mocha, and Sleeping At Last – Saturn playing via headphones. So I’ve got a pen and paper to write a fantasy, but the more I think about it, the harder it seems to write. So I’m not going to make anything up, I’m going to tell you what keeps me awake at night.
I’m asleep that night; I might be working the next day. It would be 3 AM and you have just had your bath, and when you come in softly, trying not to wake me, but as you undress, I stir, and as you climb under the covers I know you’ve come to bed. I imagine you sleep in black satin boxers. The warmth under the covers slowly increases and your body begins to relax. You begin to breathe easy. I move my legs so my thighs press beneath your own, I feel the soft satin. I am more awake now, but I am peaceful, you’re in my arms. There isn’t anything else in the world but this moment and its sensations.
And what do I feel?
I hear the soft rain outside and I hear you breathing. I feel your chest rise and fall. The heat building in my hand, snug in your bosom, the hand you’re holding. My head is tucked into your neck, your cool hair on my face, perfumed. I exhale, hot breath, it travels and spreads over your neck, down your back, further; I think you must feel that too.
My lips are already pressed to your shoulders, and grateful for this moment, I kiss, softly. You respond with the cutest little sigh and squeeze my hand that you hold to your chest, and you interlock our fingers.
Do I kiss you again? Do I gently squeeze your fingers? Or does the warmth and peace take us both to sleep?
This is what I imagine at 5 in the morning. It’s just in my mind, but it can feel real, so long as I don’t stop, so long as I don’t feel the cold just a foot away. This is possible. Do you think like this? Do you think about arguments too? But now, at 5 in the morning, thinking of you pressed against me, I’ve grown restless.
For me, that night, you turn to face me, and trying to keep out the cold air you move slowly; you move in so close your nose touches mine, our lips touch.
Sometimes I think of how I would feel if I let you down, made you mad, and you were not talking to me. How would I approach you, how would I get you to tell me what was wrong. What kind of pain we could inflict.
But in this dream, I want you to kiss me, so gently. The perfect moments of togetherness that make everything else worthwhile, make all other complaints trivial.
As you pinned my hands to the bed above my head, you went on clasping my shoulder, forcefully, almost violently. We are lost in the moment, overcome.
You’re on top of me now with the covers halfway up your back. You’re leaning down low over me, your forehead resting on mine, you are moving back and forth. I’m flipping between sensations; looking into your eyes, or our eyes closed and our lips pressed together, you might bite my lip. I can tell you are close. You take sharp breaths, you make desperate little moans. The thought of your coming climax sends waves of pleasure up my body. And in my fantasy, we come together. Clutching each other in an embrace far too powerful for any other moment, and we are absolute.
In reality, my heart is thundering in my ears. In my mind, we haven’t moved since, but you have placed your hand on my chest, you’re feeling my heart pound.
Maybe you fall to my side, my arm beneath you, your head on my shoulder, we then pull the covers up. I gently stroke your arm, just lightly touching you. Maybe we talk, or maybe just remain silent, peaceful and exhausted.
I know I hold you for a long time. And as the sweat dries we fall asleep.
In reality, I’m calm, thinking of you in my arms.
Make every day of this year count with your partner, Happy New Year friends.
❤ ❤

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