You can never fall out of love. You can lose your mind, lose your sleep, forget the world, forget your purpose, turn your life upside down and yet, you can never fall out of love.
You can start a new life, make new memories, laugh insanely, and just when you know that you have moved on, you also know you can’t fall out of love.
One moment you are with him, holding hands, making promises, riding under the rainy clouds, faking your anger for being late, laughing at his lamest jokes, feeding him your favourite ice cream, finding your sincere happiness in his genuine smile, making every second count, going to sleep with a million dreams, and him, in each of them.
The next moment you find him gone. No explanations, no reasons, but just a Goodbye. You wish it was a dream, a prank or even an ‘advance birthday surprise’ drama, although your Birthday is not for another two months. But with hours and days, you are exposed to reality and you wonder what went wrong. You don’t care if it’s day or night, your baths are longer- it’s convenient to cry under the shower, you avoid your favorite food or activity-you find a bit of him in everything you love. Your heart is shattered to the minutest piece possible and still, you find it impossible to fall out of love.
You try not to think of him, you search for an addiction. Music, books, your mother’s lap, a three-hour long conversation with your best friend, your all-time favorite Harry Potter series, none of them help you to accept the reality. You find it hard to hate him, so you start to hate yourself, you doubt yourself, you question your worth and go speechless. You shut the world, cry a river, torture yourself and try harder to hate him and the woman he chose over you.
You rip the dress that he bought for you and make it your bathroom mat, you burn all those gifts that you bought for his birthday which is just a week away, delete your chats and conversations that you have been saving and rereading since Day 1, delete every picture you clicked with him with a hope of getting rid of his memories and yet, you don’t fall out of love.
You soon find yourself on his Social Media and you wince- you find a selfie of his and hers, smiling wide. You stare at the picture a little longer than necessary, you smile, you realize you are happy for him. You know you can move on now, although you know you can’t fall out of love.
You master the art of faking, and you widely smile around your family, friends, and colleagues- smiling is easier than explaining your plight. You learn to survive but forget to live. His memories continue to stay in the background, you just cannot fall out of love.
Slowly you stumble towards the door of ‘moving on’. Your energy is drained, your priorities have changed, you find yourself lost in thoughts, nothing in particular. You have forgotten to smile, your passion has burnt out and you still wish to renew your life completely knowing you can never ever fall out of love.
Your ever-colorful life now looks boring, you don’t even care. You just move from one place to another with no hold on your life, you continue to work, you convince yourself your work makes you feel better. You are on the way to your office, you get stuck in traffic and the cab next to you decides to play that one song which was special for you and him. You try harder not to react, but all the beautiful memories gush unannounced and you break down in the middle of the road. You cry and cry some more, you curse yourself for not being able to fall out of love.
You stay away from everything that reminds you of him, the songs, the movies, the memories, the social media, even the people who have his name. With days, you realize you are getting stronger and you are definitely somewhere very close to the door of ‘Moving on”. You are not sure if you are before the threshold or if you have crossed it….. yet, you slowly go back to his social media and check if it still hurts to see him, you listen to that song, which made you cry in the middle of the road again and again, you feel nothing, you feel better, you still don’t fall out of love.
Months and months later, you genuinely smile and thank him profoundly for the beautiful memories. You move on, make new memories, accept the reality and thank the heavens for your unbelievably cute ‘first love’ story, your faith for love stays stronger, you enjoy the feeling of not falling out of love.
Soon you see a new light, start a new life, his face begins to fade, his memories wane. He’s totally a new person from the one with whom you made memories. You don’t love him anymore. You meet a thousand new people, make million new memories, meet your life partner and even start a family, but you cannot just fall out of love from the person who stays in your memory.